When I tell you how relieved I am, I could weep from the sensation! For the last 4 years, I kept finding slick ways to make excuses to postpone this project. Sadness overwhelmed me and I couldn’t seem to escape this constant habit. I subconsciously didn’t want to. Even now looking back on how I got here, I still feel shocked about how I let things unfold like this.
It might not make sense to some of you, but I’m a dumb harsh critique! And my self-consciousness worsens when others even slightly agree with my disappointing work. Imagine how soul-crushing you might feel. All because you fear to have your work judged. It seems too unbearable when you put time, money and energy into it, let alone other people’s.
I never wanted to do something so bad and find ways to self-sabotage my own goals. Our capability of this is so real, and you are in for it if you think otherwise.
Because of course, what if people don’t see any value in it? What if it is offensive? Or what if I don’t give enough screen time to so-and-so? Are the graphics too much? Or are they too elementary-level? What if it’s complete trash?
I let down everyone when I did this to myself because it hurts seeing potential wasted. Seeing wasted potential in anybody is disheartening because we could all be so great. Instead, we hold our own selves back with excuses upon more excuses. Most importantly, the only person who reaps the consequences is yourself. Too many years went by without publishing this documentary. I don’t blame people for going cold on me. No likes, no comments, no nothing from my faves unlike how things were before all this mess happened. But as my mother used to say: You make your bed, you lie in it.
And y’all, I admit to crying on nights when I wanted things to fix themselves somehow. But I knew they never would until I took control. The very root of the problem was only growing bigger. And as daunting as the workload was for me, I grew hungry to face it. I chipped away at it a few hours a week, to a few hours a day. I even used an app called Forest and accumulated over 3000 minutes finishing it up. It helped me stay focused and push through the hours of footage I had to cut the fat off.
What I hope everyone reading this can learn from me is you cannot put something so important off in life. I don’t care if it’s going back to school, trying a gym membership, applying for a big job position, or talking to that fine guy you like. You won’t forgive yourself, so what are you waiting around for?
Because a life with no risks is not one worth living in my honest opinion. Not everything went to shit after causing this extreme delay though. Somehow, I found myself and what I enjoy doing. I discovered who my realest friends and followers are in the digital world. I also grew a deeper love for my Nigerian culture somehow and it’s only getting stronger. Now I’m fired up all over again! Except this time, I’m doing things the right way.
But I do want to give a major thanks to those who played a part in getting my documentary produced. Especially the contributors. Hopefully, no one stills see me as a scammer after this. But instead, a young college grad who was too scared to make her first big girl move.
Considering how no one has requested a refund for this awful setback, I have a feeling most of them do. Which is remarkable! Not saying I deserve that, because I don’t. But it restores my faith in humanity in this new age of stupid ass cancel culture and social media dragging. We are all human, so shit is bound to happen. But that won’t stop me from learning from my mistakes. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for baring with my previous screw-up. And if you’re new to me and my content, thanks a lot for checking out my documentary!
I strictly want this page to share thoughts on the documentary you might have that are respectful and open-minded. Confrontational comments won’t get published. Please be thoughtful of those who took the time to share their views in this piece.
Share if you can. Thanks again for sticking with me!